Saturday, 19 January 2013

Don't know which way to turn....


This is nothing like the sort of blog posts I do, nothing to do with beauty, fashion or lifestyle. Its about my life, and how I am stuck and really don't know which way to turn. I have wanted to write on here for a little while about this but I always put it off because it's not something fun to read but at the end of the day, this is my blog, I can write what I like and I really don't care. 
My life was all great, everything was going swimmingly well, I finished school in 2010, went straight to college to study Media Make Up, I completed a year, learnt so much, got all distinctions in my work and completed the end of year show, during the summer of 2011 which I was then going to head into my second year, my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I instantly lost all interest in college and my mum and my family was my focus. I quit college to look after her with my dad through her operation and the gruesome Radiotheraphy that followed,  I basically shut off my own life to reassure my mums was safe. My mum told me that if I was going to leave college then I must get a job to at least give me some sanity. So I did, I got a Christmas Temp job and it kept my mind off things, I didn't tell anybody at my work what was going on at home and it was quite a nice break for me, when my contract ended they were unable to keep me on due to funds, but within two weeks I had a phone call offering me a part time job in a different department in the store, I immediately accepted and I am still their now. My mum recovered which I am so thankful for, she still has her moments but I don't care, I am one of the lucky ones. 
However, now that she is well again, I have tried going back to college, I was offered to go back to my Make Up Course but I just didn't go, I love learned to be  a make up artist but I just don't love it as much anymore, I then tried an evening course of A Level Business Studies,which I left after 8/9weeks, it was one 3 hour lesson a week, and you learn the whole 2 year course in 30 weeks, it was too hard for me to get my head around, I think if I was doing the full two year course I wouldn't of had a problem but learning something so technical that fast I did. I now find myself, stuck in a job I don't like, wanting to get out, but not knowing where to go, I thought of going into admin and office work because I currently work in retail and I hate it, but I don't seem to be what admin employers want. I want to do something new, challenging and worthwhile, not be dossing about in a shop, having customers shout at me and everything becoming my fault because we don't have the exact thing they want, in their size on the shelf, I cannot do that anymore.
 I feel myself just plodding a long, wasting my life, I know i'm only 18 and I should be thankful that I have a job considering all the unemployment in young people, but I can't help it if I hate my job so and don't know where to go. 
Part of me feels that I just need some guidance of which was to go, I personally feel like I am just a college drop out with nothing more than a good set of GCSE's, something I had always said I would never become, I know I dropped out for a good reason and if it happened again I would do the same thing, I guess I just feel that now things with my mum are better and back on track, what do I do? 

If you have any comments i'll be more than grateful, if your just going to be negative, then I would rather you either kept it to yourself or personally sent them to me at blonde.rebecca@hotmail.com because I don't want those sort of comments on my blog.

Rebecca xo



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